If It Weren't For You
by MyNameIsCAL
Summary: Max is pregnant w/ Fang's kid but they realize they don't love each other. He's struggling on the road to recovery but can her friend Iggy save Fang from his darkness? And the three might learn a few things from the mess. Alt.POVs Fang,Max,Iggy. Figgy!
1. Chapter 1

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 1**

By MyNameIsCAL

**This is a human fic. No wings. I've tweaked the ages of the characters, so don't think I've forgotten how far apart in age they're supposed to be. Special thanks to Mr. Patterson for his lovely series, wonderful characters, and the ability to use them for my own ideas. But of course, please enjoy, and as always, thank you for reading!**

-Fang's POV-

I should have been the guy living on the streets, begging for money to get my next fix. In fact, I nearly died because of it.

It had been six months since I used drugs. But that was partly because I had a kid on the way, and I promised Max that I'd keep myself clean for him, or her. Whichever the baby turned out to be. I was determined, honestly, but it was hard.

But I guess I should tell you about Max first.

It all began three years ago. I was high on meth, stumbling to some charity event that was raising money addiction research and cures. The event was something Max was running in memory of her younger brother who had died from a drug overdose. There was really no rhyme or reason of why I was there, and maybe some other force was working its magic that day.

She recognized the signs. I had too much in my system, and I had been trying to kill myself. We were five minutes from the closest hospital and she drove me herself. The doctor told me she saved my life, that I was damned lucky to be alive. Two times before that, I had tried to go out by jumping in front of a car and cutting my wrists, but they had both failed. When I learned an actual person who cared saved me, it really made me stop and think for a moment. There was something more to all of this, I just needed my eyes to be opened.

After that, I took it to heart to try to get myself back on my feet. With Max's help, I had myself in rehab. Things got better for a few months, and then they fell apart. Relapse after relapse. But Max came to my rescue again, and even with all the ups and downs I was having, she was always there for me, and for a short time, we fell in love.

Her pregnancy wasn't planned. In fact, it should have never happened, but we had to take responsibility. After a long discussion, we had agreed that at least for now, marriage wasn't the conclusion we needed to jump to. I loved Max very much, but not in the romantic way. And she too reciprocated those feelings. In other words, she was my best friend, and while I probably needed her more, she still needed me too.

Six months had been the longest I had kept myself sober. Max was proud of me. Hell, even her family was proud of me. Even though I was stuck on all this medication for depression and whatnot.

Max had three siblings who she had pretty much raised by herself with Ari after her parents died in a terrible car crash. The youngest one was Angel, the only sister Max had. Angel was in high school now, but she had a way of seeing through things. Gazzy was the second youngest, a prankster struggling to make it in the entertainment industry because he hadn't made it to college.

Then there was Iggy.

He wasn't exactly related to Max. The story was fuzzy, but before the car accident, Max's parents had been taking care of him. Iggy never spoke about his parents though, and I knew I wasn't in the position to question, nor did I really care. Over the years, he and Max had become closer, according to her, especially because of Ari and some rare condition he was diagnosed with. It was causing him to lose his eyesight very slowly. I felt bad for the poor guy, but he never let that get him down. Perhaps out of everyone Max had introduced to me, he had been just as kind as she was to me.

I lived with Max in her very spacious apartment that was about an hour and a half from the city. Since Gazzy was taking care of his sister and was living with his girlfriend, Nudge, Max was taking care of Iggy. It was part of the reason we had such a big place for three people. There was no denying it wouldn't be long until Iggy's sigh was completely gone. More space for him meant more comfort, and at this point, it was all Max could do to help him. I guess it worked out though. There would be plenty of room to raise a kid here, at least until they got bigger.

Most of my days were spent helping Max and Iggy. I didn't mind it, in fact it was a good routine to keep my mind off my cravings for drugs and the urges I had to hurt myself. Iggy kept everything lighthearted. It was his personality I guess that made him easy to be around. His generosity, I noticed, was one of the things he and Max had in common. The two of them were fighters, in their own right and ways. I had to give them credit that they had made it through a lot and turned out, well, better than me.

I owe you some explanation about myself now, don't I? How my whole addiction started. Well, I'll give you the short end of it. It started with prescription meds. I had gotten in a car accident which left my left leg mangled. Some five surgeries later, I could walk, but it hurt like hell still and they put me on prescription pain killers. That had been a mistake. It went downhill from there. Pain killers weren't enough, so I moved on to other things to forget the pain, and then I realized I couldn't escape it. The drugs made me do stupid things. Stupid things for money and drugs. Things I'd rather not mention right now. But eventually I realized no one wanted to be around someone like me. A broken and lonely drug addict who was in too deep to be saved by themselves.

Yet here I was, just another day in my life, trying to feel like things were back on track. You could say a lot has changed from those days though.

"Fang, hey, wake up."

I grunted.

"Fang, you gotta wake up and eat something and take your medication." That was Max's voice trying to coax me out of bed.

Finally, I opened my eyes and sat up.

"Morning," I muttered.

She smoothed out my hair with her hand. "I've got to help Iggy cook. Don't lie down again, alright?"

I rubbed my eyes. "Alright."

Ten minutes later, I trudged out to the kitchen. Iggy greeted me with a cheerful good morning greeting, and I forced a smile and returned the favor before sitting down at the table.

I remember the first time I met Iggy. He was already preparing for losing his vision. I had just come home, or well, to Max's place for the first time after being in rehab for a couple of months. While talking was going to be his main way to communicate with people when he lost his vision completely, it wasn't the same as seeing expressions and people's body languages. Max said he had tried a lot of things, but one thing that seemed to be working well for him was when he talked to a person, or at least someone he knew, he'd put his hand on their face to _feel_ their expressions. I agreed to let him greet me like that when I first met him, and maybe that was one of the reasons why he hadn't objected to me living here.

"How's your leg today?" Max asked, setting down a small plastic container and a glass of water in front of me.

"Hurts like hell."

She let out a sigh. "It'll get better, I promise."

"I know."

I uncapped the container and assessed what medication I was taking now. There were two pills: an antidepressant and a pain killer that was also supposed to help quell my want for meth.

"Maybe I shouldn't take it," I heard myself say.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Max replied, a hint of hopefulness in her voice.

She was in charge of giving me my medication every day. Everything I was prescribed was in a locked cabinet that held another locked box inside of it. At night, I took sleeping pills and an antidepressant again. Part of me believed none of it worked, but I knew that if I fought it, things would only come crashing down again.

After breakfast, Max went to shower, leaving me alone with Iggy to wait for her to drive us to the grocery store. He took a seat next to me, hand outstretched, and I guided it to my face. His sight was going faster than he wanted to admit, but I think Max was in denial just as much as Iggy was.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"Of course."

His pale blue eyes found mine. Sometimes it was hard to believe that he wasn't going to be able to see one day. "What're your plans after the baby is born, Fang? I need to know you're not going to take off."

I kept my eyes fixed on his. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here unless she wants me gone. We may not be married, but I still love her, and that's going to be _our_ baby. I don't want to end up being like my father."

He dropped his hand from my face. "I just…had to make sure, Fang."

"I know, you're just looking after her," I nodded. "It's alright, Ig."

"I don't want you to think that I feel this is all wrong either," he said quietly, eyes focused somewhere else now.

When Max was ready, we headed to the grocery store. The weekend crowd made the place a madhouse, and I pushed the cart as Max led Iggy around by the arm. He was trying to tell her how to pick out the best watermelon and freshest vegetables. I had observed him for a while now, and there were these moments you definitely knew he was preparing for when he would finally go blind completely. Only recently had he been doing it more.

Somehow, it made me terribly sad.

"Alright, that's everything on the list," Max said. "Fang, why don't you take Iggy with you and pick up a couple pizzas for lunch across the street? I'll pay for all this, load it up, and meet you there. You'll probably have to wait anyway."

"You don't need help?" I frowned.

"Why? Is it because I'm pregnant? You know, those college kids look bored. I can make them load up the car," she laughed. "Besides, if you go already, then we won't have to worry about the ice cream melting."

"Alright, we'll go then."

She waited for Iggy to take my arm, and I led the way through the growing crowd. It was the middle of the summer, but I still donned a long sleeved shirt to hide my scars. When we got outside into the humidity, I could feel myself begin to sweat. It didn't help that we were now standing at the corner of one of the busiest intersections in town, waiting to cross the street.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Iggy questioned. "We can wait for Max."

I fixed my eyes on the other side of the road. "It's—it's alright."

The crossing sign switched from a standing man to a walking man. Iggy had let go of my arm, or maybe I was just losing touch with reality for a moment as I remember what happened years ago….

_I was running. Running from my father. I was seventeen and I needed a job if I was even going to think about going to college, but the idea to him seemed ludicrous, especially because he was in one of his drunken stupors. He had punched me, so I had punched him back and then fled from the house. My mom had died last year. I blamed my father for that. He didn't give a shit about her._

_It was almost midnight, but I was still running. I wasn't _ever_ going back home. I wasn't ever going to let anyone get under my skin like he did. There wasn't anyone in the world worth caring about. I was going to be my own man from now on and that was final. Screw college, screw my job. Fuck every single goddamn person out there._

_I reached a crosswalk, but I neglected to look both ways out of anger. The oncoming car didn't even see me coming, and I hadn't seen it. But as I lay there, blood pooling around me, I realized that more than ever, I wanted to die…_

"Hey, Iggy, wait!" I called out.

Before I could even react, a speeding car turned around the corner. You could turn right on red, but pedestrians still had the right of way. Iggy was right in its path, but by the time I could scream again, he had already been hit.

I ran to him, dropping to my knees.

He reached his hand up and pressed it against my face. "F-Fang…"

I put my hand around his wrist. "You're going to be okay, Iggy. Just hang in there."

"Tell Max…Tell Max thank you for me…"

"Iggy, you stay with me, damnit!"

"Tell the others too…" He coughed. "You're going to be a great dad, Fang. Don't let anyone, even yourself, tell you otherwise."

"Iggy!"

His eyes met mine and then he closed them, arm going limp. I screamed at him again, but by then, it was no use.


	2. Chapter 2

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 2**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Max's POV-

Fang was trying to be the strong one, but right now, he was a wreck.

We sat in the hospital, which was the first thing that was setting him off. And then we were waiting to hear about Iggy, who had flat lined on the stretcher in the ambulance. He kept trying to tell me things were going to be okay, but I knew that he didn't quite believe, the way he was pacing around the waiting room, ignoring the pain in his leg, hands shoved into his pockets.

To make things worse, Iggy's blood covered him. Some of the hospital staff tried to get him to change, but he refused.

"Fang, sit down." I grabbed him by the arm. "Please, you look like you're going to pass out."

He sat and I took his hand.

"He's going to be okay," he repeated, shoving his other hand under his leg.

"I know."

"It's my fault, Max. I wasn't paying attention."

"It's not your fault. The car was supposed to stop."

"I should have seen it coming." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "He'll never forgive me."

There was no convincing him when he got like this. I took in a deep breath, wishing there was more I could do to calm him. He was sweating even though the air conditioning made it freezing in here. I knew there would be no way to get him to roll up his sleeves though. He wasn't ready for that, not to care about what the world thought about him.

Time passed slowly. Fang kept looking at the clock, but I had avoided letting my eyes drift that way. Only when the doctor was walking towards us did I see that a good two hours had gone by.

"He made it," the doctor said.

I closed my eyes, leaning against Fang. "So what's the catch then?"

"He suffered brain damage. When he regains consciousness, most likely he will no longer be able to see." The doctor cleared his throat. "I have to say he's lucky that's it though. We haven't seen any other damage to the brain that we can say will impair him in any other way. His leg is broken in two places, but I believe he'll make a full recovery."

Fang put his arm around me. "Can we see him?"

The doctor shook his head. "Not until tomorrow. I'm sorry. Maybe it's best you go home and get some rest."

"Alright," I said. "Thank you, doctor."

"Of course. Have a good night."

We drove home in silence. Fang went straight to the bathroom, closing the door. I went to mine to shower and change to sleep. When I came to give him his medication, he was lying on his bed.

"Max?"

I took a seat on the edge of his bed. "I've got your medication."

He sat up, taking the small container and downing both pills with the glass of water I gave him.

"Thanks," he muttered. "Will you stay tonight? Just…I'm afraid I'll—"

"Of course, Fang." I settled down onto the bed next to him and he curled up against me like a little kid.

It had been a long time since I had the comfort of sleeping next to someone, and maybe before that had been the reason Fang and I had gotten carried away that night. We were lonely, and when we finally realized that we understood each other, we suddenly stopped thinking. But the desperation was gone after that, and we realized that all we had ever wanted was comfort. For a long time our worlds had been spinning out of control, and through all the mess, we had finally found someone to hold onto.

Fang's sleeping medication knocked him out almost immediately, but maybe only because he was also tired too. I knew our current situation was stressing him out. What happened to Iggy was only going to stress him out more. It was only going to get harder, but I pushed from my mind the idea of him relapsing or having a slip up.

* * *

><p>It was over one hundred degrees, but Fang still stood at the door waiting for me in long sleeves and a pair of jeans. Only recently had he started to wear t-shirts around the apartment, but I knew it was only because I told him that it didn't bother me and that Iggy couldn't even see them.<p>

"I'll—I'll drive." He opened the door for me, leaning on his good leg. "I mean, I'm going to have to start driving again."

I gave him the keys. Usually when I tried to get him to drive, he would get upset.

There wasn't anything wrong about his driving, but he had the AC cranked up in the car to keep himself from sweating. He looked very relieved once we had reached the hospital.

"I'm sorry, but he isn't family," the nurse said, motioning to Fang. "I can't let him into Mr. Griffith's room until after the doctor's had a chance to examine him once he wakes up."

Fang shook his head. "I'll just wait outside. It's alright, Max."

I hated to leave Fang alone. To be honest, he hated it too. It gave him too much time to think, and I knew thinking too much drove him crazy.

"Alright, well, if you need anything…"

"It's fine, really." He gave me a small smile, his attempt to sound reassuring, but I knew it was far from that.

I left Fang and let the nurse lead me to Iggy's room. There was a chair set next to the bed and I sunk into it, relieved to see that Iggy still looked like himself, despite the bandages now wrapped around his head.

But it still hurt to see him lying in that hospital bed. It brought me back to Ari and how he'd land himself in the hospital, only to go to rehab for a day and fall back into his old ways. I had gotten so used to being called to the hospital and seeing him hooked up to tubes and wires that the night when Ari died, I had showed up to the hospital expecting the same old story. When the doctor told me they couldn't save him, I had cried my eyes out.

Ari had been my responsibility. He was two years younger than me. I was lucky to have siblings that didn't fight too much and that cared about each other very much. I was lucky to have Iggy who cared a lot about the rest of us even though he could have ran from us after all that had happened. But Ari had been my best friend. Especially after my parents died. It wasn't until after Ari's death and Iggy's rapid sight loss that Iggy and I grew closer. Perhaps it was Fang's likeness to Ari that drew me to him, that made me put my trust into him so easily. Which made me realize that for now I could only love Fang like a brother and as a best friend, but nothing more.

I was anxious for Iggy to wake. Not that it was a relief or anything, but I knew Iggy wouldn't be too upset about being blind. He knew it would have been any day now that his vision would be gone. In fact, I got the feeling he had come to terms with that a long time ago. If anything, it would be Fang that would be upset and Iggy making light of the situation.

"F-Fang?"

I sat up, grabbing Iggy's hand. "No, it's me, Max."

Iggy blinked furiously. "I-I can't see."

I let out a breath. "The doctor said you wouldn't be able to. Brain damage."

"That's ironic." He laughed weakly.

"I'm sorry, Iggy."

He closed his eyes, giving my hand a squeeze. "What else is wrong with me?"

"Your leg is broken, but the doctor said that you'd be able to recover from that."

"So I guess I'm lucky then. Brain damage and a loss of something I was losing anyway." He let out a sigh. "Exactly what happened though?"

I shook my head. "You got hit by a car that was trying to turn at a red light."

"Is Fang beating himself up?"

That was Iggy, looking out for everyone.

"Well, yes, he is."

"Tell him not to." Iggy winced as he tried to move his leg. "I shouldn't have started walking without him."

And that was when I finally broke down and started crying.

"Max, why are you crying?" He reached his hand out. "Don't cry, Max, it's okay."

"After what we went through with Ari and Fang, I couldn't think that I'd almost lose you too." I pressed his hand to my face. "I don't know what'd I'd do if you…if you…"

"Shhh…Max, it's okay." He managed to wipe some of my tears away, a shaky smile growing. "C'mon, smile! There's no reason to be upset. I'm going to be okay, and things worked out, didn't they? I could be paralyzed or something, but I'm not."

Iggy was taking this the way I had expected, and it made me want to cry more.


	3. Chapter 3

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 3**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

There was nothing more _complicated_ about my current situation. I won't let Max see that I'm hurting though. It wasn't that I was lying to her though. I just wasn't telling her the truth.

I would probably be stuck in the hospital for another week or too, but right now, I wanted to see—well _hear_, I guess—Fang.

You see, Max was very oblivious to this. Fang had too many problems to even notice too. But ever since the first time I met him, as dangerous and unstable as he seemed, I knew that he was the one. From the moment I rested my hand against his cheek for the first time, and the way he put his hand around my wrist, I knew that it was he that I was supposed to fall in love with.

Right, I know, it sounds crazy.

I guess seeing a blur of colors was really no different than seeing nothing at all. And then again, my vision had cleared for one moment before everything went dark. I could picture Fang's face clearly still. Never before had I seen him cry, and well, never would I _see_ him again.

The TV was on, but mostly because I was alone. Max said that Gazzy and Angel were going to come visit me this weekend. I was hoping that maybe the doctor would finally let Fang in too.

The door opened and heavy footsteps entered. It was Dr. Wilder.

"Hi, Doctor."

"Good morning, Iggy." He took a seat next to the bed, or at least I could tell from the creaking of the chair.

"So what's new today?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to let you know I've cleared you for other visitors," Dr. Wilder explained. "Max also left a message that she'd be here sometime after lunch. That's about two hours from now. How's your head and leg feeling?"

I shrugged. "No better or worse than how they felt last time."

"That's good to hear. You let me know if anything's bothering you." He rose, stepping away from me now. "I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks, Dr. Wilder."

The news kept me company for a while. It was a shame that politicians couldn't keep it together and that the debt talks were falling apart. If anything, it was the world that made me sad, not what I myself was going through. With the exception of Fang.

Years could have passed, but I wouldn't have any way of knowing. Finally Max arrived with Fang. He took a seat next to the bed, his hand coming around my wrist and pressing my hand to his face before I could even reach out my hand.

"I'm so sorry." His grip on my wrist tightened. "We should have waited for Max. It was my fault."

"You're acting like I'm dying or something." I shook my head. "I don't want your apology, Fang, but if it makes you feel better, then I guess I'll accept it. I just want you to promise that you're not going to blame yourself. There's no reason to. I would have gone blind soon anyway. I've already done all the things I've wanted to do with my sight."

I could feel his lip trembling, and I dropped my hand from his face, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable, but he still held onto my wrist.

"How can you just forgive me like that?" he asked.

"Because you saved my life, Fang. I wouldn't have lived if you didn't stay there and try to stop all the bleeding. If anything, I owe you."

He said nothing for a long time, and then he dropped my arm. I heard the chair screech across the floor and then the door close a few minutes later.

"He's mad at himself still." I let out a sigh. "Do you think he'll be alright, Max?"

Max sat in the chair now. "Things will smooth out. It'll just take a while."

"I'm afraid he'll do something…stupid."

"Yeah, me too, Iggy."

* * *

><p>Gazzy and Angel came to visit me late Saturday afternoon. I surprised Nudge didn't tag along, but Gazzy said that she had work and that she didn't want to intrude. Personally, I wouldn't have minded. She could go on and on about anything and I needed a distraction.<p>

"So I've got a job," Gazzy said. "I mean, it's just a small appearance as a side character in some movie. I get like ten lines and fifteen minutes, but I'll finally have enough money to get Angel a car."

"Gazzy, you don't have to get me a car!" I could almost picture Angel rolling her eyes. "Why don't you buy Nudge something nice?"

"You know, I already spend enough money on her. I should get you something."

The two of them could bicker for what seemed like days, but it was all with the best intentions. They didn't exactly see eye to eye all the time. But they got along pretty well for being the closest in age.

Angel always grew tired of it first, and turned the conversation to something else. "You see, Gazzy went out and bought a ring the other night. He wants to ask Nudge to marry him, Iggy."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "That's great, Gazzy."

He sounded like he was smiling. "Thanks, man."

"When are you going to ask her?"

"Well, one thing at a time first, you know. Can't overwhelm us all you know. I mean, she knows already. We've talked about it. It just has to be made official. I didn't really think you'd be up to hearing about it."

"You're letting me hold you back?" I laughed.

"N-No," he stuttered.

"He wants to ask you to be his best man at the wedding too," Angel spoke before he could explain himself. "But he didn't think it'd be appropriate to ask since you just got hurt."

I laughed again, but I wasn't sure if I was hurt or flattered.

Once dinnertime arrived, Gazzy and Angel left, promising that they'd come see me soon again. Max went to see them to their car, leaving Fang alone with me. He hadn't said a thing all afternoon except hello.

"Hey, are you okay?"

He took a while to answer. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"C'mon, Fang."

I heard him take a seat next to the bed. Like the other day, he took my hand and pressed it against my face, leaning towards the bed.

"I couldn't fall asleep last night," he told me. "Max isn't going to tell you, but she found me in the bathroom last night with a razor."

I could feel his jaw clench now.

"Fang…"

"I was just wondering if you could make sure she's alright. I wasn't thinking last night, and I know she's upset."

"Of course, Fang." I resisted the urge to slide my fingers across his cheek, smooth back his hair in order to comfort him.

"Thanks, Ig."

I was expecting him to drop my hand now, but until Max came, we stayed there like that, and I spent the rest of my night telling myself that it hadn't meant a thing.


	4. Chapter 4

If It Weren't For You – Chapter 4

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

They finally let Iggy come home after two weeks in the hospital. I was actually sort of glad he was around now. When it was just Max and me at home, I struggled to occupy myself. She tried her best too to keep me from thinking. There was a night we spent looking at baby names, but I didn't have anything in mind. Mostly because I'd always feel guilty and so I told myself I'd just agree to whatever she picked. If it was a boy, we were going to name it after Ari. If it was a girl, well, we hadn't been able to decide on that yet. We even tried cooking one of Iggy's recipes and going to movie, but we ended up eating burnt food and walking out of the movie for its lack of plot and good humor.

Iggy seemed happy to be back too even though he was confined to a wheelchair for the time being. Max and I had done all this grocery shopping the day before to prepare. He wanted to cook, and when he asked me to help, I was more than happy too.

The days dragged on still. I felt my craving to cut and to go on a rampant search for meth increase rapidly. It was getting to the point where I couldn't shave by myself or cut my own food. I felt like a burden. Max and Iggy were taking care of me instead of me trying to take care of them.

Iggy had been a sleep long ago, but I sat on the couch alone, staring at the TV. Max couldn't get me to take my sleeping medication, so now I sat up, wondering why in the world anyone would want to make themselves orange from tanning, but then I realized the same could be said about why anyone would want to do drugs.

"You're still awake?" Max appeared from the doorway to her room. "I was hoping you would have let the TV put you to sleep."

I shrugged and she sat down next to me.

"The baby's been kicking," she said, taking my hand and resting it on her stomach.

I felt myself smile a little as I felt a kick.

"I thought that would cheer you up." Max smiled at me.

"Thanks."

I finally went to bed after that. It was funny how the little things could put your mind to rest.

* * *

><p>"It's been a long time since I've last seen you, Fang."<p>

I avoided looking at Dr. Sharpe's eyes. As much as I was reluctant to be here, I liked Dr. Sharpe. Mostly because when he talked to you, you didn't feel like a patient. You felt like an actual person. He didn't throw any medical jargon at you or try to give you scientific reasons that you didn't understand as to you felt a certain way. He always had a way of saying things to you that you knew you'd believe. And it made me wonder why I didn't come around more often.

"I've been busy."

He let out a breath. "Well, yes. I heard about the accident. How is Iggy?"

"He's doing a lot better than me."

"And how is Max?"

"She's doing good. I took her to the doctor the other day. Everything's looking good with the baby."

"And how do you feel about all of this, Fang? Do you think you're ready? Is it something you can handle?"

"Am I ready? I'm twenty-five years old and I'm having a kid. I've done about all the drugs there are to do and I've tried to kill myself three times. I've pretty much done everything I should have done in one lifetime. Can I handle this? Well, I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that once the baby is born, I'll have something to focus on, and maybe, even though everything is wrong, it will still seem right, Doctor."

"Well, I'm certainly glad to see that you want to be part of your child's life—"

I cut him off. "I just don't want to be like my father."

He took off his glasses and forced me to look him in the eye. "Fang, I don't think you see it, but since the first time I met you, you've improved tremendously. I know you're still angry and you're still scared, but things have a way of working themselves out."

"I hope so. I've been waiting my whole life for things to work out."

He leaned back in his chair, and I tried to relax into my own.

"I know you can get better, Fang. Once things settle down with Iggy and with the baby, if you come in more, we can work on things. We could get you off your medications and think about alternative ways to dissipate your urges. You've got all the support you need from Max and her family. All you need is to push yourself a little."

Yeah, everything always came down to yourself. I guess that was what made humans so fragile. If you couldn't find that balance between trusting others and trusting yourself, you'd end up like me.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I'll have a new chapter up soon!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 5**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Max's POV-

Iggy was up and walking by the time I reached my last weeks of pregnancy. I thought it might upset Fang, but he seemed pretty happy for Iggy. Poor Iggy was trying to get his bearings again, bumping into things as he made his way around the apartment. Every now and then Fang or I would have to pull him away from walking into the wall.

Fang was now off his pain medication now too. Or rather he was down to taking it only when he needed it. I was really proud of him actually, and even though he wouldn't admit it, it made him feel good too. There was less uncertainty in his walk now. Then again, maybe I was just trying to convince myself he was limping less now.

"Here, I'll teach you how to make a grilled cheese sandwich."

I came into the kitchen to see Fang and Iggy sitting at the table, bread, butter, and cheese laying out.

"Alright," Fang replied.

"You don't even have to use a knife to spread the butter. Use a spoon, or something. I think it'll work." Iggy's hand slid across the table, stopping once it hit the bread. He took it and held it out to Fang. "Get out two slices and butter both sides of each."

I sat down across from them and watched the scene play out. Iggy went on to butter his own slices with a butter knife. Halfway through, Fang had to stop Iggy from buttering his own hand.

"Thanks," Iggy said. "Alright, are you done? Put your cheese on and then get out a pan and put a little oil on it to stop it from sticking."

Sometime later, Fang produced a half a dozen grilled cheese sandwiches. He was trying to hide it, but there was a small smile growing at his lips. If only Iggy could see him.

Since Iggy had lost his sight completely, I felt like he and Fang were closer now. It was good to see them get along like that. Fang always struggled with meeting new people. Whenever the others came over, he'd become withdrawn to himself, only really speaking to me. Even at restaurants, Iggy or I would end up ordering for him.

It really made me believe that having a kid was what Fang needed. Even though it hadn't been planned and it happened for the wrong reasons, he needed someone who wouldn't judge him for who he used to be, or even who he was right now. It would be like a new chance at life for him, something I had failed to give him. I knew every time he looked at me, he felt guilty, but I wouldn't regret any of this. That perhaps set Fang and me apart. He had too many things weighing him down, too many _what if's_ and _maybe_'s running around his head. And sure, things hurt me, but with my parents' deaths, and then Ari's, I learned acceptance, and found peace in that maybe everything happened for a reason.

I guess you could say I believed in clichés. But you had to admit that some of them were comforting at the very least.

* * *

><p>The heat blazed as the middle of August approached. The afternoons meant thunderstorms, but today we were hoping that rain would cool things down. I sat with Fang on the couch, his sleeves rolled up, eyes fixed on the TV to keep himself from looking at the scars on the backs of his arms. We were waiting for Gazzy to drop off Iggy.<p>

An ad for some depression medication came on and he picked up the remote, flipping channels furiously.

He finally stopped on some kid's cartoon.

"Look, I know it's not my business," Fang said. "But you're not really related to Iggy. I was just wondering how he ended up with your family."

"My parents never told me," I answered. "The explanation they gave was that his parents were really good friends with mine. Funny thing is that I never met Iggy's parents. Sometimes Iggy would just disappear and then come back after a month. But he'd never say where he'd been. Once my parents died, he stuck around to help me out. I could never get the truth out of him, but something told me I shouldn't push it either."

He shrugged. "I was just curious."

"I still am too."

Fang went back to the channel we had been watching before. "You know, he's really been too nice to me."

"What makes you say that?"

"I feel like I don't deserve any of this still."

"You deserve better than this, Fang. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"You're too nice to me too."

"I'm honest when you need me to be."

He shook his head. "I mean, what do you think our kid is going to think of me? What are other parents going to think of us? Raising a child together and we're not planning on getting married? What kind of message is that going to send?"

"Why are you so worried about what other people with think? They can think whatever the hell they want, but I know you and I are going to do our best to raise our child right, even though we're not under the normal standard for what they call a family."

Fang looked defeated now, and I wish he didn't. It was like he was trying to fight to put himself down since I wasn't letting him.

"Before Iggy blacked out the first time after getting hit by the car, the last thing he said to me was that I was going to be a great father. How could he mean that?" Fang let out a heavy breath. "I keep thinking about it and wondering if he was just being nice."

"I think when most people are dying, they're not trying to think about what sounds nice," I told him. "I'm sure he meant it, Fang. He wouldn't just throw that out there and then take it back."

Fang still looked unsure of himself though.

"I'm not going to doubt you because of what's behind you, Fang. I know most of the world doesn't see you that way, but I do."

"It's barely behind me."

"It's behind you enough."

He shut his eyes. "What if I can't control myself? This has been the longest since things haven't started to come crashing down."

"I believe in you, Fang."

He gave me a small smile, and it made me hope that someday, I'd get to see him smile for real.


	6. Chapter 6

If It Weren't For You –Chapter 6

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

I sat in the waiting room at the hospital, trying not to feel so self conscious about myself. It was just down the hall that Max was giving birth to her baby. Fang was with her, but since I wasn't family, I had to stay out here. Gazzy and Angel were on their way, but they wouldn't be here until tomorrow. Not that I wasn't happy or anything for Max and Fang, but I could see my chances of getting Fang already slipping away. Even though they had decided they weren't going to get married, I knew the birth of their kid was only going to bring them closer together.

If I had a penny for every time I could guess the time correctly, I'd be poor. But Fang came and took a seat next to me some time later before letting me rest my hand against his face, his hand around my wrist like always as I did so. I knew I always had to be the careful one, to guard my feelings from him, but it was hard to do when he did that.

"It's a girl," he said. I swear I could feel him smiling.

"That's great, Fang!"

"We named her Ava," he went on. "She's beautiful, Iggy. I wish you could see her."

Me too, Fang. Me too.

* * *

><p>I sat in the kitchen with Gazzy and Angel. Fang was bringing Max and Ava home tomorrow, which still left us an entire day to occupy ourselves. Somehow I got the feeling that Angel wanted to be here because she didn't think that Fang, Max, and I could take care of Ava by ourselves. Although the truth was, I couldn't really look after her anyway and well, Fang, he could be unpredictable, as Angel had put it.<p>

"Why don't we go out to lunch?" Gazzy suggested. "We'll find somewhere that's not too crowded, how's that sound, Iggy?"

"Sure, sounds great."

"What's gotten into you?" Angel frowned. "You've been upset ever since we've arrived."

I shrugged. "Just tired."

Gazzy's phone erupted into some atrocious ringtone. He excused himself outside onto the balcony.

"Tell me, Iggy. I'm not a five year old anymore."

"I guess I'll always see you that way. I'm sorry."

"I'm used to it." She let out a laugh. "But really, what's bothering you?"

"It's nothing, Angel."

"Well, if you change your mind, you can tell me anything you want."

I gave her a small smile. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>Time seemed endless. Gazzy and Angel left a few days after Max and Ava came home. I was left to keep myself occupied because Max and Fang were busy with Ava. Not to sound insensitive, but it was hard to be excited about something that cried, screamed, and kept you up at all hours of the day. Fang had actually been doing most of the staying up.<p>

But I finally ventured out of my room one night, hearing him talk to Ava as he sat on the couch, trying to coax her to sleep.

"Shh, it's okay, Ava," he whispered. "Daddy's not going to let anyone or anything hurt you. I promise."

Still, she was crying. But you know, that was what babies do, right? They cry because they don't understand. Even I felt like doing that sometimes.

"You've got your mom's eyes, you know," he went on. "I think my complexion won you over. Well, I don't know, it's not like it matters to you right now. You won't even remember me talking to you like this when you're older."

I leaned against the doorway, picturing Fang sitting on the couch, Ava in his arms.

"I know things are uncertain right now, but you know, I think you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me," he said. "And I want you to know that I love you, Ava."

It seemed she had stopped crying now. The springs on the couch squeaked and I retreated back to my room, listening to Fang walk uneasily down the hall and past my door.

The footsteps came back down, and I thought Fang was heading back to his room, but he stopped outside my door.

"I know you're awake, Ig."

I sat up. "I was going to come out to see if I could help, but—"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have some coffee with me."

"Of course."

I got out of bed and followed him into the kitchen. He pulled out some mugs and started up the coffee machine. It used to be my job to make coffee every morning, but I told him how to do it, and what to put in, and it was getting to the point where his coffee was better than mine. I had to stop myself from smiling.

"Max says I can bring you food shopping tomorrow," he said, placing the mug in front of me. "Be careful. It's hot."

"So what'll I be cooking?"

"Whatever you want. That's why I'm bringing you. I just have to get some diapers and stuff for Ava." I heard him sip at his coffee. "Well, you're coming too because I don' trust myself enough to go anywhere alone."

"C'mon, Fang, you can't think that way."

"It's the _only_ way I've ever thought." He sipped his coffee again. "But you're probably right."

I started to drink my own, wishing I had better things to say to him, wishing I could tell him things would be okay.

"It'll be alright," he said after a while, almost as if he could read my mind. "That's what Max says all the time, isn't it?"

* * *

><p><strong>Pretty much putting this at all the end of my fics that update over the next week or so: I finished Nevermore. I thought it was a brilliant ending for the series, but I won't go into much detail now. If anyone wants to share thoughts, feel free to message me.<strong>

**But yeah, the series is over. It's a lot of emotions, but most of them good and some of them bittersweet. I feel that there's still a lot more to be said in the fanfiction universe about this series, so as long as people are still reading, I'll still be writing. New ideas are spinning already.**

**Until my next update! Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 7**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

Thanks to the coffee, I hadn't slept. I didn't like sleeping anyway. Max didn't know it, but I had stopped taking my sleeping pills. I slipped them into my pocket when she wasn't looking and hid them in a box in my dresser drawer.

I dressed and came out of my room around ten. Max had a cup of coffee in hand, Iggy sitting across the table from her, eyes unfocused and wandering around the kitchen.

"Are we going to the grocery store?" he asked without turning to face me.

"Yes." I wondered how he knew, but I shook it off as a coincidence. Even though I knew I hadn't told Max when I had planned to leave. Usually I didn't go until after lunch.

Iggy rose from the table and I grabbed the keys that hung by the wall near the door. I told Max to call me if she needed anything and we were off.

"You haven't been sleeping," was the first thing that came out of Iggy's mouth as I started up the car.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

He shook his head. "You know, when you can't see, you start paying attention to other things. It's unsettling to see darkness when you open and close your eyes, so sometimes I lay there and listen. I can hear you through the wall, pacing and tossing and turning. Are you not taking your sleeping medication?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. "No, I'm not."

"This is what happened last time you relapsed."

The words struck me hard.

"Look, Fang. I'm trying to look out for you. I mean, not look but you know what I mean." He leaned against the window. "It's awful when you're not around and stuck in rehab. As much as you think you're a burden, you're a distraction for keeping us from thinking too. I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"What do you and Max need distracting from?" I frowned.

It took him a minute to answer. "A lot of things. There's no routine when you're not around. We just sit around and worry about you, practically counting down the days or hours we can see you again or take you home."

"Really?" I thought that was only Max.

"Yes, really." He ran his hand along the window. "Pay attention to your driving."

I fixed my eyes back onto the road, ignoring the growing pain in my leg as I stepped on the gas.

* * *

><p>Christmas was less than a month away now, and it was hard not to think about last year. Max had insisted that we stay at the apartment since I was still adjusting to being out of the hospital again. But I couldn't handle the guilt, and things came crashing down when I stumbled across one of my hidden stashes in my drawer. Then I almost drove a knife through my arm, landing me in the ER. Christmas Eve was spent waiting for me to be seen. I still couldn't believe Max had forgiven me for that, and I promised myself I wasn't going to ruin it this year.<p>

Still, it was getting harder. Iggy was right. Taking my sleeping medication was better. I'd actually get sleep and my mind would be in a better state, but the urges were still there. To the point where I had to ask Max to lock the knife drawer one night. She was always good about it though. She'd ask if I was okay, and then give me a hug, promising me that things were going to be okay.

Ava, fortunately, was sleeping now. There were few nights that Max or I would have to wake up for her. Sometimes I'd lay there in the dark, trying to hear Iggy in his room, but then again he was a whole lot better at hearing than I was. I'm sure whatever insignificant sound I didn't pick up was like a gunshot to him now.

And yet sometimes I could swear there were times I made out his breathing, and times when I tried to hold my breath that I'd hear him doing the same.

"Hey, Fang?"

I looked up over the newspaper. "Yeah?"

"Would you mind if we had everyone over for Christmas this year?" Max actually sounded anxious, which was unusual because she was usually sure about most things.

"This is your apartment," I said, putting the paper down. "But no, I don't mind."

"I just wanted to make sure," she admitted. "Nudge is probably going to come too."

"Maybe you should get everyone earplugs for Christmas then," Iggy sniggered.

Max rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Ig. Be nice."

He gave her a sheepish smile and went back to eating his toast.


	8. Chapter 8

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 8**

By MyNameIsCAL

- Max's POV-

It was three weeks before Christmas. Ava was now fourth months old. I'd watch her light up Fang's face every morning, and then after the moment was gone, he'd retreat back into himself, eyes slipping back into what I felt like was some kind of infinite darkness. Although there was more life behind the intensity of his loneliness, and I hoped that maybe we had finally made a breakthrough.

Fang was talking more too. Especially to Iggy. I remembered when Fang first started staying here and all he'd say good morning and thank you to Iggy. Before now, the most Fang had ever said to Iggy was when the first time they met, and Fang had been all gung ho about letting Iggy try out his new way of communication. The fact that Fang had agreed to that still puzzled me, and when I asked him once why he did that, he said he didn't want to make an enemy of Iggy, although Fang later found out the only enemy Iggy had was the betrayal of his vision.

"Well, you're up early," Iggy said, shuffling into the kitchen.

"I made some coffee," Fang muttered, pushing out the chair next to him as he stood.

Iggy took a seat and Fang placed a mug in front of him. I tried not to let my feeling of surprise show. It didn't take much to make Fang retreat back into his old habits. As he sat, he put his hand around his wrist, pressing his thumb up against the back of his arm before dropping his hands into his lap.

"I heard it's going to start snowing a lot this week, so I was thinking maybe we should stock up on food," Iggy said after sipping his coffee. "I've got a list. I was wondering if—"

"Sure, I'll go get it." Fang spoke before Iggy could even finish.

"Oh, alright, that'd be great." Even Iggy seemed taken aback now. "Here's the list. I hope it's not too, crooked."

Fang examined it. "Alright, I'll go now. It's supposed to start getting heavy around noon."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" Iggy asked.

Fang shook his head and was out the door before we could protest again.

"What's gotten into him?" I frowned.

Iggy shrugged. "Maybe he just needs some time alone."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"I know." He let out a sigh. "He doesn't want to depend on us all the time though. You know."

I sat at the table, rubbing my eyes, wishing the caffeine would kick in already. "You know, I think he's doing better.

Iggy nodded, eyes wandering around the room. We sat in silence for a while.

"Hey, you know, you'll never guess who called the other day when you and Fang went out to pick up dinner."

He raised an eyebrow, eyes somehow finding me. "Who?"

"Joanna."

He frowned at me now. "Why?"

"She's taking some classes in New York City. She said she was wondering if you wanted to get together to have lunch or dinner. I told her about the accident, but you know, she already knew that you were going blind."

There was no change in his expression. This wasn't what I had expected to happen.

"She wants to eat with me? Even though I broke up with her?" He let out a laugh. "C'mon, Max, I don't think we need to open old wounds."

"I never understood why you did that."

His eyes slipped out of focus. "Why does it matter?"

"Well, maybe this could be a good start for you. I don't mind taking you out to the city. Fang can stay here with Ava."

"No one wants to be with the blind guy, Max. Look at me, I'm pathetic. I can't imagine you'd want to take care of me forever. Even Fang is going to get back on his feet someday."

I didn't understand why he was being so difficult. Rarely did Iggy get upset about anything, but here he was fighting me now. "I don't mind taking care of you, by the way, but if you're going to be like that, then nothing's every going to change."

"I'm trying to be content with where I'm at right now. And I have to say I'm doing pretty good laughing through it all, trying to find the light in all of this darkness. But the truth is that if I don't get used to this, I'll just be miserable. I've been miserable, ever since I was born, Max. You don't even understand."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. He was alluding to his parents, and it was a topic I knew he'd never talk to me about.

"I know you mean well, Max, but the person I'm in love with will never love me back anyway, so I should probably just let go. For years already, I've been hoping something would change, but you know, nothing's changed except for the worse."

"What're you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Fang."

"What?"

"Ever since that first time we met, I knew that it was him. I knew he was the one, Max, but he obviously doesn't feel the same way. He's not that kind of guy, and I'm just a total loser for even…" Iggy shook his head. "Is it ironic though? I've just decreased my chances of ever finding someone who'll love me for who I am as a person because I'm gay. And yeah, you know, I didn't have much of a chance anyway after I learned I was going to go blind forever."

"Iggy…"

"I don't want your sympathy!" He slammed his fist onto the table. "I'm tired of people pitying me. I…"

He rose out of his seat.

"Iggy where are you going?!"

"Away from here!"

"Iggy, I don't care that you're gay! That doesn't change anything!"

As if he could see, he went right to the front door, opened it, and then slammed it behind him. From the other side of the apartment, I could hear Ava start to cry.

"Damnit, Iggy!" I opened the door. "Where are you going?! I didn't meant to upset you! I'm sorry!"

But he ignored me, disappearing around the corner.

"IGGY!"


	9. Chapter 9

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 9**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

The grocery store was swarming with people when I got there. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Waiting for me inside the car was a bag of meth and some painkillers. Last night, out of desperation, I had used my cell phone to dial every single phone number combination I could remember until I hit the guy who used to deal to me. We met up down the street. It was a smooth exchange, and I was eager to get back home so I could lock myself in my room and let go for a little while.

My leg ached from the cold as I went around the grocery store. I grabbed everything on Iggy's list, along with some other snacks and an extra pack of diapers because I knew we were running out. All the registers were open, thank god, or I might have made a mad dash to the car without paying.

I hid the meth and painkillers in my jacket pocket before I made my way up to the apartment. The security guard at the desk gave me a weary smile as he let me in.

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?" Max greeted me at the door, Ava in her arms.

"Oh, well, I guess it was on vibrate." I patted my pockets, searching for my phone, trying not to wince as I felt the bag of meth through my jacket. "I think I left it in the car."

"Iggy ran off."

"What?" I blinked. "What do you mean?"

She sunk into the couch. "It's a long story. I promise I'll explain everything later, but he's out there in the cold."

"You didn't go after him?"

"I couldn't, not with Ava."

I put the bags down on the counter. "I'll go look for him."

After ditching my drugs into my sock drawer, I hurried back downstairs. The snow was picking up already, but the roads were still crowded with cars trying to get last minute shopping done. There were only a few places that I knew Iggy could get to by himself: the coffee shop down the street, the old record store around the corner, and the park that was right across from the apartment. Everything was already closed though, so that left the park.

"Iggy!" I shouted over the wind.

The snow was past the top of my shoe and I cursed as some of it got into it. I ventured deeper into the park, passing the old playground. A light flickered ahead, and I moved towards it. There was a bench there, one I used to sit on with Max, where she'd talk me out of thinking about a lot of things. Snow was piled up on it. Iggy wasn't here. He could be anywhere. I couldn't believe Max would just let him run off like that. It wasn't like him to do that either. What could they have been arguing about?

"Iggy!" I roared once more, but there was nothing.

And then…

"F-F-Fang…"

"Iggy!" I looked around, and then my eyes fixed on the bench. The mound of snow was moving. It was Iggy.

"Iggy! Jesus, what the hell were you thinking?" I pulled him by the arm so he was sitting up on the bench now.

He shook violently, and I pulled off my jacket, wrapping it around him. I took his outstretched hand and pressed it to my face.

"You're freezing," I muttered, putting my hand around his wrist. "C'mon, we've got to get you to the hospital. You're going to be okay."

But he could barely walk, and for the first time in a long time, despite all the reckless shit I did, I was scared.

* * *

><p>The ER was <em>packed<em>.

I filled out some paperwork and the nurse promised someone would be with us shortly. She gave me a blanket for Iggy, insisting it would only be another minute.

But in that span of five minutes, things were only going to get worse.

"EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!"

A man burst into the ER, two guns in hand, pointing them right at me. I tightened my grip around Iggy, staring at him.

"Get on the floor!" he snarled at me, his other gun pointed at the security guard.

I slid down against the wall, Iggy slouching against me.

"You!" He motioned to the security guard. "Lock all the doors into here. No one gets in or out without my permission."

As the man busied himself with the security guard, I wrapped the blanket around Iggy. I surveyed the room. At least no one looked like they needed help immediately. Except maybe for Iggy.

"Where is Dr. Goodman?" The man grabbed the security guard, pointing one of his guns to his head. "I want him here, right now, or I'll start killing you all one by one, starting with our security guard here."

The nurse shook. "H-He's in surgery right now."

I had seen a lot of shit happen when I was out on the streets fending for myself, but I had never seen anyone get killed until now. The man let the security guard drop to the floor, blood pooling around him.

I felt a cold hand force its way into mine.

"Fang…" Iggy spoke weakly. "I-I'm so c-cold…"

This wasn't the time to be upset about Iggy holding my hand. Even if we were under different circumstances, I probably wouldn't have cared. I gripped onto it. "You're going to be fine. Just hold on a little longer."

The nurse was now on the phone, voice shaking as she explained the situation. Everyone in the room had their eyes fixed on the gunman.

It was a split second decision, and probably one I should never make again. I sprung up from the floor, tackling the gunman from behind. He was swifter than me though, turning and grabbing me before I could make a grab for one of his guns.

"You think you're brave, don't you?" He sneered into my ear, pressing one of his guns up against my shoulder, the other one still pointed at the nurse.

"No, I think you're a goddamn idiot," I growled, putting my hand over his.

He didn't even have time to react as I pressed his finger against the trigger. The bullet ripped through my shoulder and he dropped to the ground cursing. I kicked his guns away.

"Everyone get out of here!" I bellowed.

The nurse unlocked one of the doors and everyone flooded out. I leaned against the wall, sliding back down next to Iggy.

"We're going to get help," I managed to say, clutching my shoulder.

But there was no response.


	10. Chapter 10

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 10**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

I sucked in a breath.

_Darkness._

Well, I certainly wasn't dead. Or if I was, this was hell because I always envisioned heaven with me being able to see again.

"Fang…"

I heard movement to my right. "Iggy!"

"Fang?"

A hand came around my wrist, lifting my hand. "Yes, it's me, Ig."

Fang pressed my hand against his face, rough from not shaving. He started to tell me what happened, how he had shot himself to shoot the gunman, and that he had talked to Max already. I was barely hearing him though, my concentration on his hand that was still around my wrist.

"F-Fang?" I interrupted him.

"Yes, Iggy?"

"Can I tell you something?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Max didn't tell you why I took off?" I asked.

"No, she didn't."

"It was over you."

"Over me?" I felt him frown. "Why?"

I closed my eyes. "I think you've saved me twice now, and you know, I'd be kicking myself all the way to hell, or heaven, if I don't tell you this, Fang. Maybe my time's running out anyway. I've faced death too many times now."

"Don't say that." His grip around my wrist tightened. "We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. At least that's how I feel after being in the hospital so many times."

Was he actually trying to make me laugh? I gave him a smile and then let it fade away. "Ever since the day I met you, Fang, I knew it was you. Since you were so willingly were open to whatever crazy methods of communication I had brought up even since the first time we met. And I don't even know how to put this nicely anymore, and I'm not going to try to disguise it either, but I'm in love with you, Fang. But I don't want to scare you away."

"You're not going to scare me away," he said. "I promise."

I suddenly felt like crying, and maybe he could tell because he slipped his hand into mine. "You know, I went to score some meth before I went to the grocery store. If it weren't for all of this, you and Max would probably be dragging my ass back to rehab again."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?" I tried to blink back tears.

"Well, you're smiling," he said quietly. "Besides, in a way, you saved me too tonight."

I opened my mouth to say more, but he cut me off.

"You should rest. Max said she'll try to get here tomorrow if the roads are cleared and the snow has stopped. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

><p>I woke to Fang's voice the next morning. He was on the phone with Max. Whatever he had been saying to Max had made its way into the last part of my dream.<p>

"The roads are bad, Max. Stay home. The doctor will be discharging Iggy tomorrow anyway," he said gruffly.

Just barely I could make out Max's voice. "Tell him I'm sorry though, alright."

She didn't know I had told Fang though.

"I will," Fang said. "Is Ava awake?"

There was a pause.

"Hey, Ava." I could almost envision Fang smiling. "Daddy misses you. I'll be home real soon, okay? Don't drive your mother crazy. I miss you."

There was another pause and then Fang was saying goodbye to Max.

"Morning," he said to me.

"Morning," I repeated. "Did you sleep?"

He took a seat to my right. "Not really. For a little while. My leg and my shoulder are killing me though."

"You didn't let them drug you." It was a statement.

"I've been through worse. You shouldn't worry about me."

Usually Fang was changing the subject, but this time I did. I knew he didn't want to talk about the pain anyway. "What am I going to tell Max?"

"What do you mean?" And then, "Oh, right. You told me and she doesn't know that. She says she's sorry by the way."

I shook my head. "I overreacted. She was just looking out for me."

"Tell her you told me. It's not a big deal, Ig. No hard feelings, I promise."

"You're never this nice to me, Fang."

He took a moment to reply this time. "Maybe I've just been too mean to you."

* * *

><p>It was three days before Christmas now. Fang finally had his arm out of the sling, and he was trying to get it moving again. He walked around the apartment, carrying Ava. She was laughing, and I wished I could see her too.<p>

The past few weeks had been uneventful. Fang had fallen back into his brooding self. I thought maybe, and I was probably being foolish, that he had feelings for me too. Whatever hopes I had were slipping through my fingers now.

At first Max was worried that my admittance might start to upset Fang, but even though he didn't seem any happier than before, he didn't seem anymore depressed either. I tried not to make it seem like I was trying to spend more time around him.

And then one night I lay awake, listening to him rustle through his drawers. I thought he was looking for some old stash, and then I heard him trudge to the bathroom and the toilet flush about four times. Something was up.

I got out of bed, feeling the walls to move down the hallway. The bathroom door opened and Fang walked into me.

"What the—" He grabbed me by the shoulders to stop me from falling backwards. "I'm sorry, I should be more careful."

"Are you okay?" I questioned.

He let out a breath, letting go of me. "I got rid of those drugs I picked up that day I had to go after you. I've been meaning to do it, but I didn't want Max to see them either."

"Oh." I felt guilty for thinking that he had been taking drugs instead.

"I've been thinking about all of that," he told me. "And after all that happened, I'd feel stupid if I ended up taking them. I should have gotten rid of them sooner."

"Well, you got rid of them and that's what counts."

He paused, and I had a feeling he was nodding. "Guess so."

We said goodnight, but I lay awake listening to his breathing until I fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 11**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Max's POV-

I had expected Fang to hide away in his room since everyone was arriving this morning, but he was up even before Iggy today.

"Well, good morning," I said to him.

He started to make coffee. "Happy Christmas Eve?"

I let out a laugh. "Well, yes."

He took Ava, producing a smile from her, before giving her back to me. When he thought I was looking away, he rubbed his shoulder, wincing.

The buzzer rang, and Fang proceeded to push it before I could.

"Your brother and sister are here, Ms. Ride," the familiar voice of the security guard said. "And your brother's girlfriend. Can I send them up?"

"Uhm, yes," Fang said.

"Oh, hello, Fang," the guard responded.

"Hi," Fang said stiffly.

"Well," the guard replied. "Have a merry Christmas, okay?"

"You too."

It wasn't long before there was knocking at the door. Iggy had just came trudging out of his room, shirt buttons all off by one, but before I could say anything, Fang approached him, muttering. Iggy let out a sigh, letting Fang fix them. It surprised me. Ever since Iggy and Fang had come home from the hospital, I had been holding my breath, waiting for things to come crashing down, but they hadn't. As distant as Fang could make himself, he had a big heart, and it pained me to think he was just being nice to Iggy because it was only going to hurt Iggy more in the end.

Nudge greeted everyone with hugs, even Fang. He was a little taken aback, and he managed to wrap a stiff arm around her. Gazzy, always weary of Fang, still shook his hand firmly.

"It's good to see you," Gazzy said with a small smile. "How have things been?"

Fang said, "Things have been, well, finally settling down I guess."

"Good, good," Gazzy nodded, searching for something else to say.

"I'll be, uhm, clean for a year at the end of January," Fang added.

Gazzy clapped Fang on the shoulder. "That's really great. I bet Max is proud. Well, you know, we've all seen how far you've come. I'm glad you're okay, man."

Things went smoothly. Fang had occupied himself with helping Iggy in the kitchen, and tried not to let that bother me. The others, and by others I mean Gazzy, Angel, and Nudge, hadn't been told why Iggy and I had been fighting the day of the hospital incident. Iggy told me it was already enough that Fang and I knew. Not that I had been planning to tell them anyway.

Gazzy came and sat next to me on the couch, and we watched Angel and Nudge entertain Ava by putting gifts under our artificial Christmas tree.

"So a year, huh?" Gazzy took a sip of his soda. "He's a good guy, just mixed up in all the wrong things. A lot like Ari I guess."

I nodded.

"I take it you two aren't going to get married."

I shook my head. "I don't think I could. And he knows it too."

"He's _too_ much like Ari," Gazzy said. "I'm glad he stuck around though, that he wants to be around for Ava."

"It's good for him," I agreed. "He doesn't want to be like his father either. Lately Iggy and him have been getting along better. Maybe it's good that he's still around to occupy Iggy now that he can't see."

"Ah, Iggy, I guess he's been adjusting well too."

"For the most part. You know he likes to put everything off as a joke."

"Good ol' Iggy," Gazzy laughed.

"He's been trying to teach Fang how to cook. And you know, I burn everything, so it's been going pretty well."

"You couldn't even make a bowl of cereal," he smirked. "Nah, I'm just kidding, Max."

I rolled my eyes and glanced over to the kitchen. Iggy was trying to show Fang how to cut vegetables.

"I promise I won't chop your fingers off," I heard Iggy say, his hand resting over Fang's. "Here."

Fang gave in, and I was surprised because I knew knives were something he hated. There were days that I would have to help him shave because he couldn't stand the idea of bringing blades to his face.

"I've always wanted to tell you to be careful with Fang, and maybe I was a little disappointed when I heard what happened, but I think I've always been wrong about Fang," Gazzy admitted.

It wasn't until seven when all the food was ready. Ava was cranky, Iggy looked proud, and Fang looked like he was glad all the cooking was over. We sat down and began to eat.


	12. Chapter 12

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 12**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

The others had gone off to bed already, but I sat up watching, or well, listening to some old Christmas movie with Fang.

"I'm going to go to bed now," he said.

He rose off the couch, and I followed him. We came to a standstill by my door.

"Thanks for staying up with me," he muttered.

"Thanks for helping me cook."

His hand brushed up against mine, and on a whim, I grabbed it. He made no attempt to shake me off.

"I'm sorry I didn't get you a gift," I told him. "I mean, after all you've done for me."

He shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I don't like gifts anyway."

"I have an idea," I whispered.

He gave me no reply, but I leaned forward, praying I wouldn't miss, and pressed my lips against his.

I was waiting for him to push me off, but he didn't. And so I pushed him up against the wall, unable to hold back any longer, after all the years I had longed for this. He started to kiss me back and I ran my fingers through his hair. When we broke apart, we were both breathless.

"I…" But I was the speechless one.

"Goodnight, Iggy." He gave my hand a squeeze before letting go. "Merry Christmas."

When I woke up in the morning, I thought I had dreamed of what had happened. Fang sat in the kitchen in the morning, alone. I took a seat next to him, holding my breath, and he quieted all my worries by taking my hand under the table. We didn't say a word to each other, but we didn't have to.

It was from that moment that I knew I was right to have never given up on him.

* * *

><p>The others left before New Year's Eve, which meant things would settle back down again. Fang almost sounded relieved once everyone left. He had been weary of giving anything away to the others or Max.<p>

"Hey, Iggy?"

I swerved around. "Yeah?"

A hand pulled my shoulder, making me turn right. "You wouldn't mind staying here with Fang and Ava while I ran a few errands?"

"Oh, of course not," I replied. "Where're you going?"

"Well, I thought I'd give Fang some space and let him have some time with Ava without me," she said quietly. "I'll go get us some coffee and I have to pick up some stuff for Ava."

I nodded and she slipped out. It took me a moment to make it over to the couch. Fang grabbed me by the wrist, guiding me into the empty space next to him.

"Careful, or you'll sit on us," he muttered.

I let out a laugh and there was a silence that I could only guess which he was returning a smile or a frown.

"Don't worry, Ava, I won't let Iggy sit on you," he went on. "When you grow up, you'll have to take care of us instead of us taking care of you."

"Your father thinks _I_ need taking care of," I remarked. "But I think I can take care of myself."

Ava let out a babble of nonsense.

"Hey, don't grab my nose," Fang said. "Let's play with something."

A weight lifted off the couch. Fang sat on the floor, leaning up against my leg. Ava was banging away on the toy I had asked Max to get her for Christmas, a little toy piano.

"Iggy got that for you," Fang said.

It wasn't long before Ava grew tired of playing. Fang ended up carrying her and walking around the room, trying to coax her to sleep. Finally, after some crying, she fell asleep. Fang put Ava in her crib and then came back to the couch, sitting next to me.

"I told you that you'd be a good dad, Fang," I told him.

"She's only four and a half months, Ig."

"C'mon, Fang, lighten up." I took his hand.

He said nothing for a long time, and then. "What do you think Ava will think of us when she gets older?"

"You're worried about that already?" I shook my head. "I'm sure you'll be the favorite between you and Max. She's not going to give a damn about whether you're gay or not as long as you're treating her right."

"It's not just that. I mean, she's going to realize that we're not a normal family when she gets older. What if she hates me? And we're going to tell her I am—was—a drug addict."

"She's not going to hate you, I promise, Fang. Things work out. They always do."

He gave my hand a squeeze. "Alright, Iggy."

I let out a breath. "So when do we tell Max?"

"About?"

"About us."

"When you're ready. She'll find out sooner or later."

I nodded, but before I could say more, Max was back already.


	13. Chapter 13

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 13**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

It was rare for us to go out to eat. Between Iggy's cooking and my dislike for being around other people, going out was only for running errands. But today was one year. One year since I had found out about Ava and decided that I'd put my foot down for once and take a stand against myself. Max asked very anxiously whether I wanted to do anything special, and I said that we oughta give Iggy a break for once and go out to eat for dinner.

"You sure, Fang? I'll cook you anything you want," Iggy offered.

"You pretty much run everything by me that you cook, Ig. I don't think you've ever made something I hated." I turned to face him. "I mean, if you'd rather stay home and cook, that's fine with me."

He shrugged. "Nah, whatever you want…"

It sounded like he wanted to say more, but Max came in with Ava, and he closed his mouth, shrugging again.

"Shall we go?" Max asked.

I nodded.

The restaurant wasn't anything fancy. It was small, but family friendly, and not crowded. Then again it was Monday night.

"Could you, uhm, read the menu to me?" Iggy asked quietly.

Max opened her mouth, but I was ahead of her, already starting to. Halfway through, Iggy started smiling.

"What?" I frowned.

"Nothing. I just like listening to you talk," he said. "I already knew what I wanted after the first five entrées you read."

I rolled my eyes, but I smiled in spite of myself.

Max gave us a raised eyebrow, but I said nothing about our exchange and asked her what she was getting.

After we got back to the apartment, I put Ava in her crib and read a book. When I got to the kitchen, Max was sitting at the table, Iggy drinking a glass of water by the sink.

"So I've got a gift for you." Max cleared her throat. "Well, I guess it's really for us."

"Nah, we got something for you too," Iggy interjected.

"Here, sit." Max pointed to the chair next to her.

In front of her sat an envelope and a box. I took a seat, leaning against the table. Iggy joined us, sitting next to me.

"Alright, so you can choose which one you want to open first," she went on, pushing both things towards me.

"I'm going to go shower," Iggy said. "G'night you two."

I reached for the box first. It was wrapped in white wrapping paper.

Inside the box was a set of car keys. Under the lid there was a picture of a black sedan.

"A car?" I looked up at Max.

"I thought it was time you have your own. Especially when Ava gets older."

I shook my head. "You didn't have to get me anything."

She gave me a small smile. "Open the envelope."

I did as I was told, pulling out a picture of a house.

"I thought it would be nice if Ava grew up somewhere with more space. Besides, Iggy could use it too."

Now I didn't know what to say.

"What's wrong?"

"Max, we're not married," I finally managed to tell her. "What kind of message is that going to send Ava when she gets older and realizes what a mess I am? I mean, it's not that I don't want to be here for Ava, but she'll need to know the truth eventually."

She let out a sigh. "Iggy told me that house would be too much."

I closed my eyes, wishing I had the strength to tell her about Iggy and me.

"We don't have to move into it. I'm not expecting you to stay forever either." She took the picture from me. "I know, you're probably right. We're going to have to reach a point where we'll have to split, but for now at least. And we'll keep the apartment. How's that sound? So when the time comes, you can come back here. It's not far, so we can take turns having Ava over. We'll work it out. It'll all work out."

I felt myself nod now. "It looks nice, Max."

"I didn't mean to upset you…"

"Nah, it's fine, Max. You're only thinking for the best." I put the car keys back into the box and closed it. "You're right. It'll be better anyway."

We sat for a moment in silence and then I stood, heading down the hallway to the bathroom.

I think I stood under the cold water for ten minutes before I came to my senses and started to actually clean myself. It must have been another half an hour before I stepped out and pulled my boxers on. Then I came face to face with my reflection in the mirror.

"Keep it together," it seemed to be saying. "Maybe you should go talk to Iggy."

_Iggy_. For someone I was considering my, well, _boyfriend_, I've been treating him like crap, but he was just too good to me. He was patient. Too patient.

"He's good for you," my reflection whispered. "Don't throw him away."

"I can't even fucking admit to Max there's something going on between us," I replied.

My reflection stared back at me. "You can and you will."

I looked down at my arms, shaking my head. All the scars. Even my leg, deformed from the accident.

_You can't let them define who you are now_.

That wasn't my doing though. It was other people, with their opinions and prejudice. No one really pities the drug addict. I've only made myself more pathetic by being suicidal. Society would never accept me.

_Max and Iggy and Ava. They're your family. They'll accept you._

"I can't even accept myself," I growled, pulling the rest of my clothes on.

The kitchen light was on, which meant Max was still up. It probably wouldn't be long before Ava started crying about something. I could smell coffee. She'd be up for a while.

"Fang."

I turned around to see Iggy standing at his door.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He held out his hand to me. "Come here for a minute."

Even though he was blind, Iggy still had a great way of communicating without saying anything. I sat down on the bed next to him and he pulled his arms around me. I could feel his chin, rough against the top of my head.

"Don't worry about the house," he whispered. "Max only meant well."

I leaned my head against his chest. "I know."

He pressed his lips to my forehead, and I closed my eyes.

"Stay here tonight."

"Alright."

We settled under the blankets. His arm came around me, and I closed my eyes, finally realizing how exhausted I was.

"Goodnight, Fang."

I found his hand and wove my fingers through his. "Night, Ig."

And for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep instantly.


	14. Chapter 14

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 14**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Max's POV-

Ava seemed to be sleeping well tonight, so I finished the last of my coffee and started down the hallway. I needed to check on Fang too. He had spent an awfully long time in the bathroom. Iggy was right, I was going to upset him with the house. But I think we needed somewhere fresh to be, that it would help Fang move on from his demons.

His bedroom door was opened though, and when I peeked in, he wasn't in his bed. My heart started to race. This couldn't be good. I should have waited for a different day to tell him about the house. Maybe I had pushed him over the edge.

"Iggy!"

I headed down the hall and to Iggy's room. The light from the hallway lit up Iggy's bed where he and Fang lay together. Leaning against the doorframe, I gave a sigh of relief. Iggy had his arm around Fang, and Fang had his hand over Iggy's.

"Well, Ig, I guess things worked out," I said to myself, shaking my head as I smiled. "Goodnight you two."

* * *

><p>The first traces of spring arrived just as we finished moving into the house. Iggy was still trying to get used to his surroundings and the new furniture, but Fang did a good job of keeping an eye on him.<p>

Speaking of Fang, he seemed to be doing better now that I knew about him and Iggy. I felt like there was less limp in his step and more light behind his dark, intense eyes. If that was even possible. And he no longer had to take sleeping medication, which I think he was actually pretty happy that he didn't have to take any medication anymore.

We were getting ready for everyone to come over, and thankfully, Ava took her nap without fussing.

I was going to go into the kitchen to ask Iggy and Fang if they needed help, but I came to a standstill in the doorway.

"Fang, will you stop worrying for once?" Iggy wrapped his arms around Fang from behind, burying his face into Fang's neck.

Fang resisted him. "Ig, Max is going to see us."

"Max isn't going to give a damn if she sees us." Iggy pulled him closer. "And neither are the others when we tell them about us.

"You don't know that."

Iggy let out a breath of frustration. "Then it shouldn't matter. What matters is that you've made it this far, that Ava and Max and you and me are okay. And that I love you, Fang."

"I love you too, Iggy."

The doorbell rang, and I disappeared quickly away from the doorway before Fang could turn around and see me.

"Wow, Max. The house looks great!" Angel exclaimed.

I hugged her and then led her to the kitchen. Iggy and Fang had gone back to preparing dinner. The smell of food was filling the house already.

We sat in the family room later after dinner. Fang was holding Ava, trying to get her to talk.

"C'mon, who am I?" he asked her. "You said it this morning when Max and I fed you."

She blinked and then grabbed his nose. "Da-da."

Fang smiled now. "Can you say Mommy?"

"Da-da."

"Alright, you, let's get you to bed." Fang rose from the couch.

"Da-da," Ava repeated, grasping onto Fang's hair now.

He tickled her, and we listened to her laughter as they disappeared up the stairs.

"Iggy, you said you had something to tell us?" Gazzy questioned.

Iggy nodded. "Wait 'til Fang gets back."

"Wait, hold on, you're not..." Gazzy cleared his throat. "Dying or anything?"

"No!" Iggy let out a laugh. "It's nothing like that."

Gazzy looked relieved.

Fang returned, already digging his fingers into his sleeves. I put a hand on his arm and he stopped, biting his lip.

"So Fang and I have something to tell you," Iggy said. "And well, we thought you deserved to know."

Fang had his eyes fixed on the floor.

"So this really shouldn't be a big deal," Iggy went on. I had a feeling he said that for Fang's sake. "But Fang and I are gay."

He paused for a moment. Angel kept her expression neutral and Gazzy spit out his water. Nudge sat there, avoiding looking up from her lap.

"And well, yeah, that's what he had to tell you," Iggy let out a breath, waiting for someone to say something.

"Thanks for telling us," Angel said, giving them a smile. "I'm happy for you two."

Iggy gave her a small smile.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me," Gazzy said. "But you know, that's cool with me. I don't want you to think that I'm going to like start avoiding you or anything."

"Thanks, Gazzy."

Fang was still staring at the floor. He muttered something under his breath, but I think only Iggy made it out because Iggy nodded and Fang got up and left. There was nothing but more silence after that.

"I better go check on him," Iggy said after a while.

And then he was gone too.

"Wow." Gazzy shook his head. "How long have you known, Max?"

"Since the end of January," I answered.

"Wasn't it obvious?" Angel questioned.

"You'd pick up on something like that." Gazzy smoothed back his hair. "And how's it been working out so far, Max?"

"I think they're good for each other." There was no denying that.

"Fang seems happier," Angel agreed. "Well, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Shortly after, I left to check on Ava. I got this off feeling about Nudge, but it wasn't my place to ask. Gazzy would deal with it.

* * *

><p>Angel stuck around for a while, but Gazzy and Nudge left because he had filming and she had work. No one was saying it, but Nudge had pushed him to leave, for reasons that were obvious. Iggy brushed it off jokingly, but Fang was withdrawing back into his old self, and Iggy was desperately trying to stop him.<p>

"Let's go out to dinner tonight," I heard him suggest to Fang. "Just you and me. Angel can help Max with Ava. Or we'll go early and you can come back to put Ava to bed."

Fang grunted.

"C'mon, Fang."

"Alright."

Angel let out a laugh and covered her mouth. We were sitting in the kitchen though, so Iggy and Fang didn't notice our eavesdropping.

"Sorry, I just think they're cute," she whispered.

It was my turn to laugh. They were, in their own way, I had to agree.

"So have you met your other neighbors?" Angel asked. "Things seem nice here."

I nodded. "A couple of them stopped by to say hello. They have kids Ava's age. I think it'll be good."

"Gazzy was supposed to ask Nudge to marry him last night."

"What?"

"Yeah, and he planned to stick around to do it tomorrow, but she wanted to go."

"How come you stayed around?"

"Because I knew it would make Fang feel a little better. Besides, school won't miss me for a few days. Gazzy said he'll swing by to pick me up in a few days." She glanced over at Fang and Iggy who now had Ava. "I won't tell them that though about Gazzy and Nudge. Don't worry."

I should have said something, but she got up and started to busy herself with some homework. Even though she was the youngest, Angel always had a way of getting things better than everyone else. She never got angry about anything, nor did she ever argue. Sometimes it was hard for me to see her grown up because I still remembered her as a little kid, lost and scared after our parents were gone.

The day continued on slowly. Around five, Fang and Iggy were ready to leave.

"Da-da!" Ava screamed.

He took her from me for a moment, and she calmed down.

"Daddy will be back in a little while." He kissed her forehead. "You be good for your mom and Angel."

"Da-da!"

Fang gave Ava back to me and she started crying again. It looked like it tore him to leave.

"Daddy will be back soon," I told Ava. "In time to put you to bed."


	15. Chapter 15

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 15**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

Fang started to limp when he got down on himself like this. We had walked all around downtown before I finally got him to agree to eat somewhere. He didn't say much except for reading the menu. Even on the way home, he was silent.

"Don't let Nudge get to you," I finally said, squeezing his hand. "She'll come around. Gazzy will make it right."

"Gazzy doesn't even like me that much."

"That's not true, Fang. You're family to us. He cares about you, even though he's a little wary about you." I knew this wouldn't change any of Fang's feelings though. "Just please don't beat yourself up over this, Fang. It's not worth it. Things have been so great recently."

"I'm scared, Iggy."

"Scared? That someone will pull the rug out from under you? I won't let it happen, I promise."

He let out a breath, but said nothing more. We reached the house a few minutes later. He guided me up the steps and opened the door.

"I'll go shower when you're tucking Ava in," I told him.

"Alright, I'll set your clothes out." Fang squeezed my hand and trudged down the hall.

"How was your date?" Max asked me.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure he really relaxed like I wanted him to."

"He looks less tense," Angel assured me.

I went to the room I shared with Fang and found the clothes he set out for me. Even after I showered and dressed, Fang was still reading a story to Ava. I lay in bed, listening to his voice as it travelled down the hall and into my room. Sometime later he came in to grab his clothes before he went to shower. Then without a word, he climbed into bed and snuggled up against me.

"Did you manage to get Ava to sleep?" I asked.

"Yeah she fell asleep halfway through the book."

I started to run my fingers through his hair. "My mother used to read to me when I was little."

"Why don't you ever talk about your parents?"

It surprised me Fang never asked before. I guess I always wanted to tell him, it just never seemed like the right time to bring it up.

"I was the youngest child of three and the only male. My father was a dirty man. He hurt my sisters and my mom all the time. Except he loved me. He wanted me to carry on the family business. Sometimes I'd try to fight him and he would get angry. My mom tried to protect me by sending me to stay with Max's family sometimes. Then I started having headaches after he hit me once. Although hitting me had nothing to do with the headaches. My mom took me to the doctor and we found out my eyesight was going. My dad lost it after that." I let out a breath, trying to focus on Fang's hair instead of the images I remembered. "He killed both my sister, but my mom sacrificed herself to save me. When he realized what he had done, he turned the gun on himself."

Fang shook his head. "That's awful."

"My mother was best friends with Max's mother. Her parents took me in so I wouldn't have to get put with a family I didn't know. The rest is history." I dropped my hand.

He took a moment to respond. "I'm really sorry, Ig."

"After Max's parents died, I thought I was a curse. You know what Max said to me? That I wasn't. That I was a blessing even because I could help her take care of everyone." I let out a breath. It had been a long time since I had thought about all of this. "But then after what happened to Ari, I still wonder sometimes."

"That wasn't your fault though."

"No, I guess not." I closed my eyes, remembering the day that we arrived at the hospital and they couldn't save Ari. "Anyways, did you take your medication?"

"Yeah, Max made sure."

I kissed him on the forehead and we said goodnight. It wouldn't be long before his medication had him out cold.

* * *

><p>Time started to fly by. Suddenly Ava had turned one, and she was walking and saying more words. It was good because she tired Fang out and kept him from thinking too much. Most of all, Fang seemed genuinely happy now. There was less limp in his step and he was finally off all of his medication.<p>

The last traces of summer were finally disappearing as September drew to a close. Max was preparing for the annual fundraiser in Ari's name. There hadn't been one last year because of Ava.

Over the summer we had also met some of the neighbors. Most of them were welcoming. The Saunders, Our neighbors that lived across the street, had a kid Ava's age and they were the nicest to us. Even Fang didn't seem so anxious when we spent time around them.

Angel and Gazzy were coming this weekend for the fundraiser. I was trying to get meals in order. Fang was going to take me to the grocery store after he came home from taking Ava to the park.

"Hey, Max?"

There were some footsteps and then the scraping of the chair on the floor next to me. "What's up?"

"I want to ask Fang to marry me."

"Well, that's great, Iggy." She squeezed my shoulder.

I was relieved she didn't sound disappointed or something. "I mean, it's only been a year though. I don't know how he'll take it…"

"I think if you find the right time to do it, he'll say yes."

Before I could say more the front door opened and Ava came running in. Max squeezed my shoulder one last time and stood.


	16. Chapter 16

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 16**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Max's POV, 1 Year Later-

There was a lot to celebrate. Ava was starting preschool, Fang was going to be three years sober, Gazzy had just landed a starting role and was engaged to Nudge, and Angel was going to college. Iggy had a huge dinner planned for us tonight. Not to mention that he was planning to ask Fang to marry him tonight.

Iggy was at home cooking with Angel and Gazzy, so I went to pick up Ava with Fang. We were running late because of traffic, so I parked across the street instead of the parking lot behind the building. Ava was always so happy to see Fang. He scooped her up into his arms and smiled at her. It was so good to see him smile. I couldn't wait to see his face when Iggy proposed to him tonight.

Fang put Ava down and she took my hand. We headed out the door and stopped at the curb.

"Remember, you have to look both ways when you're crossing the street," Fang said to her.

I was about to open my mouth to agree, but there was a sudden loud honking noise. Fang was suddenly dashing in front of us towards a mother and her stroller. There was a pickup truck barreling down the street.

Fang pushed the stroller and the mother out of the way just before the pickup truck could hit them. It hit Fang though, and I watched in horror as he went through the windshield of the car and they kept speeding away.

"Daddy!" Ava wailed.

The truck swerved and finally crashed into the traffic light. I picked Ava up and started running towards the crash. Sirens wailed from behind us.

I could only watch in horror when they finally pulled Fang out unconscious and bloodied on a stretcher. How was I going to tell Iggy?

* * *

><p>Instead of dinner, we were all sitting in the waiting room at the ER. Ava was asleep on the couch between Iggy and me. Gazzy and Angel sat across from us. It had been nearly two hours since Fang went into surgery, and we hadn't heard anything.<p>

"Maybe it's a sign, Max," Iggy said. "Maybe I shouldn't ask him."

I shook my head. "Don't think like that. He would have said yes. He's still going to say yes."

Iggy buried his face into his hands. "I keep hoping I'm going to wake up from terrible nightmare."

After another hour of waiting, a doctor finally emerged through the doors.

"He made it," the doctor said. "But he's in a coma. His brain swelled, but we have him on some medication to reduce it. In a few days, I think he'll be ok. There doesn't appear to be any brain damage. We also had to put pins into his leg and knee. I know he's already had some surgery in those areas, so only time will tell how recovery will go for that…"

I barely heard anything else the doctor said. This all meant medication. Medication meant pain killers. Fang was going to be starting back to square one again.

"Ok, thanks, Doc," Iggy managed to say.

The doctor nodded and he showed us to Fang's room. Gazzy and Angel said they would wait outside, so I went in with Iggy and Ava. After I put Ava on the couch, I led Iggy to the chair beside Fang's bed. Fang was on a respirator and he was bandaged in a bunch of different places. His face was swollen and cut. Part of me was glad Iggy couldn't see him. Although my eyes fell onto the IV drip for Fang's morphine. Three years and now this for a good deed. It just seemed cruel.

"It only matters that he's alive," Iggy said. "We can worry about the rest later. He just…he needs to okay first. I mean, he's going to be okay somehow. He saved two people's lives."

He took Fang's hand and let out a sigh. Iggy was more optimistic than I was.

* * *

><p>The pickup truck's brakes had failed. It was the reason that the driver could not stop the car. Fang had been lucky that car hadn't been going that fast. Usually people died from getting hit by cars that were out of control. The local paper had titled Fang a hero for saving the mother and his child. I told the press that we had no comment.<p>

On the third day after the accident, Fang woke up. I watched through the window as Iggy talked to him. Fang cracked a few smiles. That was a good sign.

I went in when Iggy got up to go to the bathroom. Fang gave me a half smile as I sat down next to the bed.

"I don't want to think about it, ok?" Fang motioned to the IV. "It doesn't matter. It shouldn't be a big deal."

I nodded. "Did you want me to bring Ava by after school?"

"That'd be nice," he replied.

"Angel went back to school, but Gazzy's still around. He might stop by later too."

He nodded. "And will you tell Iggy to go home and get some sleep? I think he looks as tired as I probably do."

Fang's upbeat mood had diminished by the end of the week. He was becoming withdrawn again, and he started to go through withdrawal when they started to down the dose on his morphine. I mean, he looked awful. Part of me was glad Iggy couldn't see how bad Fang was.

We ended up talking Fang into going to a rehabilitation program. They would help him manage his pain and get him back on his feet. There was no way we could bring him home and do it ourselves. He spent a month at home first. Every day he would ask me for more pain medication, and every time it got harder to say no.

The rehab facility was about half an hour away. Fang was still reluctant, but he knew he needed it. We could visit him four times a week and he would get to come home for the holidays at the end of the month. After that, he could become an outpatient depending on his progress.

"I'll come visit you every day," Iggy promised Fang before we left. "And you call me whenever you want, okay?"

Fang squeezed Iggy's wrist. "I'm sorry, Ig."

Iggy shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

Then he dropped his hand from Fang's face and leaned down to kiss him. "I'll see you soon, Fang."

We were about to walk away when Fang grabbed Iggy's hand. "Iggy, I love you."

"I love you too, Fang." Iggy gave him a smile.

Fang managed a half smile and then the nurse wheeled him away.


	17. Chapter 17

**If It Weren't For You – Chapter 17**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Iggy's POV-

The weeks up to Christmas were some of the hardest. Fang was suddenly back on all this medication. Depression meds, anxiety meds, and then sleeping meds. He had made some progress with walking though. They had this leg brace on him. Once he was stronger and could walk on his own with crutches, they would let him come home.

And then two days before Christmas, Fang checked himself out.

This wasn't the first time he had done something like this. When Max was first trying to get Fang clean, he would check himself out after a few days. We'd go searching all over the area for him. Sometimes we'd find him trying to take shelter somewhere. Sometimes he would actually just come home. But most times we found him stumbling around somewhere high. A few times, the cops had brought him home and one time they arrested him.

So Max and I drove around the town near the rehab center. There was no sign of him though. They told us he had called for a cab using his cell phone. I tried calling his cell, but it went straight to voice mail.

Max ended up calling someone she knew who was a cop. The only thing we could do was wait and keep calling. I sat up late every night by the phone hoping Fang would call, begging us to forgive him. I kept thinking about the thing I wanted to say to him, but all I really wanted to tell him was to come home.

It was the night before Christmas Eve now and there was still no word on him. We were trying not to jump to any worst case scenarios yet. One time Fang had disappeared for a week.

"Iggy, you should go to sleep." Max took a seat next to me at the kitchen table. "I'll wait up if you want. Gazzy and Angel are getting here early tomorrow. And we have to cook."

"Nudge isn't coming?" I asked. Things were still a little awkward between her and Fang, but she seemed more accepting of us now.

"Her mother is sick. She says she's really sorry she can't come." Max leaned against the table.

"Maybe all of this is a sign, Max."

"What do you mean?"

"That I shouldn't ask Fang to marry me."

"Maybe it's a sign you should," she remarked.

* * *

><p>-Two Years Later-<p>

It took me another two years to figure out what Max had meant. On Christmas Day of that year he had left the rehabilitation facility, the hospital called us saying he had overdosed on heroin and they were giving him emergency treatment.

Fang had spent the last two years in and out of rehab. It was relapse after relapse. He barely was ever home. He wouldn't talk to me either anymore. That killed me. My head kept telling me it was time to let go of him – that Max had been wrong that night two years ago. Yet I carried that stupid engagement ring around with me, hoping that maybe for once when I tried to visit him, he would actually want to see me.

It was Christmas again. Max had told Gazzy and Angel to go spend Christmas with Nudge's family. I was exhausted. She was exhausted. Ava had finally stopped asking about where Fang was, and it broke my heart a little.

Then my cell phone rang. No one ever called me. It had to be the wrong number.

"Iggy?"

"Fang!"

"Iggy…" He sounded like he was crying. "Iggy I can't do this anymore…"

"Fang, where are you?"

"Iggy, I've been so stupid…"

"No you haven't."

"I…I called to say I'm sorry."

"Fang, where are you?!"

He let out a laugh. "That doesn't matter. I-I just wanted to hear your voice before I go."

"Max and I will come get you, Fang. Come home, please. I miss you so much."

Then I heard a voice in the background. "SIR, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE LEDGE!"

"I'm at the hospital, Ig."

"Stay where you are. I'm coming." He was going to jump. I had to stop him.

Max sped towards the hospital. I couldn't really get a feel of my surroundings, but there were a lot of people there and it was snowing. It must have been a cop on the megaphone trying to talk Fang down. Max dragged me through a crowd. She had an exchange with someone, maybe it was the cop.

"We need to get you two up there," the cop said.

They rushed us into the hospital and into an elevator. Then we got out and went up a flight of stairs to the roof. It was freezing and windy. Max begged Fang to step back.

"You tell Ava that I love her." Fang sounded like he was crying still.

"Fang! Don't do this!" I took a step forward.

"It's the only way any of us will ever be free!" he shouted back.

"No it's not!" I took another step and Max let go of my arm. "Just listen to me for a second, Fang! Do you remember when you saved that mother and her kid four years ago? I know you probably hate thinking about it, but you were a hero that day, Fang. You have every right to live. I don't care about the drugs. I don't care about the past four years, Fang. Step back from the ledge. Come home with me."

"Why, Iggy?" He sobbed. "Why would you want me after all of this?"

I dug my hand into my pocket and found the box with the engagement ring. "I wanted to ask you to marry me that night you got hit by the truck. I've carried the engagement ring around with me every day since then, hoping the right time would come again."

I pulled out the box and opened it. "I've been waiting four years to ask you this. So will you marry me, Fang? Marry me and step back and we can start over again."

There was only silence, and then I felt these arms come around me. It was Fang clutching onto me. I pulled my arms around him, hoping I'd never have to let him go again.


	18. Chapter 18

**If It Weren't for You – Chapter 18**

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

It had been almost five months since the incident on the hospital roof. I had to have surgery to fix my knee because it never healed properly after I first ran away from the rehabilitation center. After going through detox, I spent two months trying to get my drug addiction under control. I spent a few weeks in rehab and then tried to go home, but I almost ended up falling apart and Iggy talked me into going back. After a lot of medication, therapy, and encouragement from Iggy and Max, I found some self-control again. I'm still on all this medication now, but at least I can function.

Then I spent another two months trying to get back on my feet. I had to deal with my addiction after my surgery, so I didn't really get to focus on getting stronger. I still couldn't walk without using a crutch, but with some more physical therapy, I'd probably be able to walk on my own. It was slow because the doctors were trying to keep my pain levels down. I guess they were mostly afraid it might push me over the edge again.

I had been home for two weeks. Ava just had her last day of preschool. She was excited I was home. I had only seen her a handful of times over the past few years. God, I felt guilty, but that didn't seem to matter to her.

I just wanted to stay home mostly, but Max and Iggy tried to get me out of the house at least once a day. Sometimes we'd go out to lunch or I would go grocery shopping with Iggy. Nothing to extenuating though. I wasn't really supposed to be exerting my leg that much.

Tonight the Saunders were having a BBQ, but I wasn't really up for seeing the neighbors. I'm not really sure they wanted me around anyways. I had caused quite a scene on the roof of the hospital. It made the news. Iggy was staying home with me, and I realized it had been a long time since we had any time alone together.

"I'll cook us dinner," he grinned.

I watched him waltz around the kitchen as he denied my help. Before I knew it there was a plate of pasta in front of me. My appetite hadn't been the greatest recently, but tonight I scraped the plate clean.

Iggy went to shower when I cleaned up the kitchen. After I showered, we climbed into bed. It was only eight o'clock, but I guess I was feeling tired.

"Max said the medication you have to take before bed is in that pill container on your nightstand," Iggy told me.

It was a painkiller and a sleeping pill. "I'll take it in a little bit."

He raised an eyebrow and I pulled him towards me. He laughed as I kissed him and then we started to undress under the covers.

* * *

><p>Iggy woke me the next morning to take my medication. I could barely get out of bed thanks to last night.<p>

"I'm sorry," Iggy chuckled.

I let out a groan. "Don't tell Max."

I made it to the kitchen before Max came down. Iggy had started cooking breakfast already. Ava came running in and sat down next to me.

"Alright are we doing pancakes or waffles today?" Iggy asked.

"Pancakes!" Ava exclaimed.

"You got it!" Iggy placed a mug of coffee in front of me.

"Thanks." I needed it.

Max came in a few minutes later. She gave me my medication and I took it without saying much.

"How was the party?" Iggy asked.

"It was good," Max replied.

I hesitated. "Did anyone say anything to you?"

Max sat across from me and shrugged. "A few people asked. The Saunders were glad to hear you're back home. They said they'd be happy to have dinner if you're ever up for it."

"That was nice of them."

"Daddy, will you take me to the park today?" Ava tugged at my sleeve.

Max opened her mouth, but I spoke first, "Sure. After lunch, ok?"

She cheered and I ruffled her hair.

* * *

><p>I took Ava to the park and sat with Max on one of the benches. This had been the first time we had gone somewhere just the three of us. Ava was running around on one of the jungle gyms. It was starting to get hot now that summer had started, but the heat eased the pain in my leg a little.<p>

"Max, I think it's almost time Iggy and I move out. We can't keep living together. Ava will get the wrong idea. She has to understand." I let out a breath. "I mean, I've just been thinking about it. Maybe at the end of the year. I'm not ready yet, obviously."

I was waiting for her to protest, but instead she nodded. "I guess Ava's getting older now. She's starting to figure things out."

I inhaled and exhaled. "I don't know how many times I've told you I'm sorry now."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, Fang. You've been through enough. Don't guilt yourself."

We didn't say anything for a while. My attention shifted from Ava to the engagement right that was on my finger.

"Gazzy and Angel want to come see you," she said after a while.

"Really?"

"C'mon, Fang, you're family. Of course they want to see you."

I spun my crutch between my hands. "Maybe I need the distraction."

Ava came running over. "Can we get ice cream?"

"Of course." I rose from the bench and let her lead me towards the ice cream truck. Max said she'd meet us in the car.

"I want a cream pop!" Ava pointed at the one shaped like some cartoon character.

I ordered one for her and one for me. We were heading to a car when someone stopped us.

"Excuse me!"

I turned. "Yes?"

A lady and her kid, maybe only a year or two younger than Ava, stopped in front of me.

"I don't know if you remember us, but you saved our lives that one day in front of the school." She flung her arms around me. "I never got to thank you. I'm so sorry for what we put you through."

I realized she was crying. I managed to put an arm around her.

"I saw you on the news." She let go of me. "And I couldn't help but think…"

I shook my head. "I've got a history, you have to understand."

She took something out of her purse. "I know this isn't much, but my husband owns a restaurant. If you show this to him, you'll always get your meals for free."

It was a small plastic card. I took it and put it into my pocket. "If it wasn't me, someone else would have saved you."

She took my hands in hers. "An angel must have sent you that day. Just remember that there are angels out there looking after you."

Then she motioned to her kid. "This is the man that saved our lives when you were a baby!"

The little boy stepped forward and hugged my leg. I pat his head, suddenly feeling my own tears coming.

Then the woman hugged me again. "Please stop by the restaurant. My husband has wanted to thank you."

I hugged her back better this time and then watched her and her kid walk off. We went back to the car, finishing our cream pops. That moment instilled some new hope into me. It wasn't until then that I realized I had made such a difference.

**Well, it's been a long time. Sorry about that. Going to try to update this and my other stories. Thanks for reading!**


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